What Scares Me!?

I know most people are afraid of murderers and rapists and people generally just out to do harm wherever they can....but I am not afraid of those people.....after all we have made them. We as a society have shaped and molded some of those people into becoming the monsters that they are....our lack of sympathy......our ability to look the other way......our propensity for not wanting to get involved to help a child who is being beaten, abused, neglected.....who is going hungry or living on the streets.....what did we think would happen? Did we think that there would not be consequences for our lack of humanity? No, what really scares me are the "right fighters" you know the ones.....the individuals who believe that their beliefs are the only ones and that if you will not be with them then you must be elimnated "by any means necessary". These are the people who bomb abortion clinics (in the name of God) to show that abortion is murder and should not be condoned......these are the people who plant bombs in schools, churches and federal buildings because they believe the government is corrupt (and it is) but they do not get the target of their rage they get innocent men, women and children just trying to get through their lives.....these are the people who believe that killing human beings is justified because they need to get their message across that we are destroying the planet and should be aware of that and stop "raping" the land. So what scares you? Is it the monsters that we cultivated and bred or the seemingly "normal" people who only want what they want "at any costs?"

I believe that everyone answers to only one.....and only in the end....and that we "human beings" are the least qualified to JUDGE of any of God's creatures. So keep this in mind for we will all answer to God in the end....how will you come out?

Be kind to one another....save as many children as you can. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

TTFN

Falling in Love

I was sitting here watching Christopher Titus doing a stand up routine (Love is Evol) that was hilarious, but it got me to thinking "why do we say falling in love?" We all know about the beginning of a new relationship.....how we can't wait to see the person or talk to them on the phone (even if we really don't like talking on the phone)... the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when they look at you....but what happens when we finish falling? If we are really lucky we find that being in love is just as wonderful as falling in love. Being in love means finding the best friend you will ever have, being able to be yourself (even with your glasses on and you hair pulled back) and they will still love you and think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread. Being in love is far better than falling in love......because being in love will last for the rest of your life and beyond. Being in love does not mean that there will always be blue skies and sunshine but gives you the knowledge that when the rain comes there will be someone there to keep you from drowning.....being in love does not mean that you will agree with everything the other person says or does....but gives you the ability to accept that there may be some merit to a different opinion than your own....being in love does not mean that you will never be cross, or angry or hurt....but gives you the capacity to forgive, discuss and heal so that you can become a stronger person. So, all in all, I think that I would rather be in love than fall in love any day of the week (and twice on Sundays). Be kind to each other, love each other and have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

TTFN

Get A Clue!

I was watching a show last night that involved a grown man having sex with 14 year girl which led me to make the statement that "I really cannot comprehend how a grown man can be turned on by a child" a discussion ensued which debated whether it was just a perversion or a brain disorder (caused by aborted emotional development at a young age). At the end of this discussion, much to my surprise, a statement was made that by accepting homosexuality we were opening the area to pedophiles (sp?) trying to gain acceptance of their behavior (something called MAMBLY was referenced). At first I thought I heard wrong and then I was just dumbfounded. On what planet are the two even remotely connected? Homosexuality is between 2 (or more) consenting adults and legal, pedophiles are not even in the same stratasphere, they destroy the innocence of children and take away the very thing they say the "love" about children. I was unaware (or just didn't want to be) that there were actually people in this world who believe the two are the same. I have a very open mind but even I can't get around this one, and the organization called MAMBLY is lobbying in Washington for acceptance! If this is true then we are more lost than even I thought. I believe that whatever consenting adults do in the privacy of their own space is their own business and should be respected as such. However, I believe that no pedophile can be rehabilitated and should either be locked away in a prison, put on a deserted island with like minded individuals or simply shoot them all and let God sort it out, but under no CIRCUMSTANCES should a person of homosexual nature be compared to a PEDOPHILE that is just disgraceful and disgusting.

Our children our future we must protect them at all costs and teach them love, tolerance and acceptance so that we might actually have a future. Be kind to each other, save a child and have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

TTFN

Curiosity

Who, What, Where, When and Why.....these are the questions that allow us to learn as we grow. I often wonder "why do some people lose their curosity?" As someone who is curious about all things and is constantly asking the above questions, people who lack this particular feature confuse me. When did they stop wanting to learn? Why did they stop being curious? Does this mean that they have found all the answers? My oldest child was a "WHY" child (which did sometimes drive me crazy and often made me revert to the "because I'm the mommy and I say so statement) my youngest child was a "WHAT" child (which is easier but still sometimes frustrating) as they have grown older they are still WHY and WHAT children.

I have found that in life curiosity is a good thing (mainly) and that without it we stop progressing. If you are curious about something then you will learn more about what it is that interests you, which in turn will help you to grow as a human being. So are those people without curiosity done growing or have they just given up? I hope that I am still asking (and hopefully getting) the answers to all the questions in my head, even as I draw my last breath. Curiosity may have killed the cat (but at least he learned something by it) so I will keep being curious and keep learning (and hopefuly keep growing). Learn something new today, have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

TTFN

My America

I was listening to the President speak last night and it got me to thinking....if I could remake America what would it be like. So here it goes....in my America we would never lose the trust and joy we are born with, hatred would not exist (except maybe for bugs). Our children would be able to grow up without fear.......the fear of being hungry or homeless, of being beaten and abused, in my America our children would grow up knowing kindness, love and warmth... they would know that they would be able to get any kind of education they desired and that the only limitations are the ones they place on themselves. In my America our elderly would be able to enjoy their later years without fear..... the fear of being abandoned, abused and tossed aside. In my America a man would be a man (no matter the color of his skin) and valued for what he brings to our lives.....his strength, courage and love and in my America God (no matter the name he was given) would be celebrated and allowed to bring all the joy that we could handle. We would all be able to come together as a community and support, uplift and encourage each other to bigger and better things.

You may think that this is all rather silly......but isn't better than the America that we have today? What would your America be like?

When we start valuing our youngest and oldest brothers and sisters and stop judging someone by the color of their skin or the way they look we all benefit.....so what do you say, can we make my America more than a dream? Be kind to one another and have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

TTFN

On the Edge or Over It?

Every year around this time I find myself on the edge.....on the edge of what I don't know. I feel tense and nervous.....I don't sleep well (worse than normal) for fear.....again of what I am uncertain. I sometimes wonder if (for whatever reason) that I am more aware of the time that is passing and the uncertainty of the times that I live in. I get to the point where I hate to pick up a paper or listen to the news......it never appears that as human beings we are actually evolving toward anyting other than our own self destruction......what is the point of getting up in the morning? It may sound like I am in a funk......but that is actually not the case. I used to think that it was "spring fever" but, now, I am not so sure....maybe I am just becoming more sensitive to my own mortality (I have always been aware of it....in the back of my mind). It is at this time of year that I miss my grandfather the most and maybe I just don't know how to process that in any way that is constructive.....I was blessed to have had him in my life well into my adulthood and to know that he loved me always (even at my least likable stages) without reservation or judgment.....other than my best friend and the love of my life......he is the only one to have ever given me that in this world. I think that the loss of that love is one of the things that make it easier for me to think about going home to God where not only will I see my grandfather again I will get to bask in the love of our true Father and know that at last there is no more suffering of little children or pain of rejection......I guess that I have babbled on long enough. Be kind to each other and have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

TTFN

Family

Today was the day I finally accepted that my mother will never be the way I want her to be. She will never just love me without strings or be there for me without expecting something in return and finally I am OK with it. I am OK not having her in my life on a day to day basis and really not being around her much anyway. I have spent the better part of my life being a good girl and trying to gain her love (she is not capable of loving me the way I need her to so I give up) I have my children and my grandchildren and they love me without question (or strings) I have the best friend a person could ask for and God. Not to say that this does not sting a little, but it is something I can live with. I still love her but she is not a positive influence in my life and as I have often said "sometimes you just have to cut the negativitiy out of your life" I am taking my own advice. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

TTFN

How Do We Know?

Today (actually this whole week) has been a test of some sort (I just haven't figured out if I passed or failed). One of my friends at work has been going through a rough time this week (her future mother-in-law is dying) and looking to me (her much older friend) for advice, and what I have discovered is that "I suck at giving advice". On the one hand, I know (due to my years of experience) that there is no easy way to go through this particular experience but on the other hand, as a friend, I wish I had some magic answer for her that would take her pain and stress away. Instead, I have to be the one to tell her that this is all part of life and the method by which we evolve and grow to (hopefully) become wiser as we get older. So "how do we know the right thing to say?" Let me know when you figure it out :-)

The next thing was that I was talking to my BEST FRIEND and as usual he was educating me about current events that I might have missed (oh, lets be real..... he knew I missed ;-) and once again the stupidity that one human being (of a certain age when they should be past stupidity) can exhibit makes me question the whole evolution thing........I ask you "Wisdom does come with age? Right??? and if it does'nt then what are we still doing here? Sometimes I think my grandkids are smarter than most of the adults I know. Well, tomorrow is another day and another chance for me to "evolve" and I challenge everyone to try it.......you just might like it!

First step in this process is.......Take a deep breath (OK let it our or you will pass out)....second step....open up your mind and explore the possibility that you do not know everything...third step.......let go and let God (because he is the only one who is smarter than a 5th Grader). As I have told my friend at work all week "we cannot control that which is out of our control and trying to do so will only drive us "INSANE", so take back your sanity and be kind to each other. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

TTFN

Discovery

This is the year that I have dedicated to self discovery (I know sounds a little airy-fairy), but my children are grown and I am on my second marriage, so I started thinking around the holidays "who am I" and the answer was "I don't know". I have been someone's daughter, sister, mother or wife my entire life. I never took the time to find out who I was and now have no idea who I am. I am not alone in this, many women my age (or older) have at one time or other asked themselves the same question. I am starting to get over the idea that this is selfish (after all I want the same things for my daughters -- so lead by example). By the end of the year I hope to have a better understanding of the girl I was, the woman I became and the person I want to be. Life has not always been fair (and no one said it would be) but overall I have had a decent life with many blessings (and few curses). I have loved well (if not always wisely), laughed (a lot) and lived to the best of my ability. I have learned to redefine what "success" means and to not let my failures lead me to far adrift. At the end of the day I would like to have no regrets. So, if at times, I seem lost do not worry I will find my way home and hopefully be all the better for the wrong turns, as well as the right ones.

When the time comes to say goodbye, remember smile when you think of me and have another drink, try not to cry and know that I love you (sometimes more than life itself) and will always watch over those that are special to me. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

TTFN

Frustration!!??!!j

In case anyone missed the notice (or forgot to mark it on your calendar) today was frustrate Tamra day! The day started out innocently enough and then I woke up (some might say that waking up is a good thing, today I tend to disagree). From the time I got out of bed the universe decided to mess with me today. First, my cats thought it would be a good idea to play war all over the house (which entails them running all over and using me as a jumping off point), then when I went to work all the idiots picked this day to call and ask, or say, stupid things and generally annoy the hell out of me, in line next to frustrate me were my children (they were polite about it 1st the oldest and then the youngest tooktheir turns) and last, but certainly not least (after all the night is not over yet!) the change machine at the car wash! Now, I know that some days will rain harder than others, but seriously, can I not get a little warning? Had I known how today was going to go I coulda stayed in bed (or had a V8, which is apparently a cure all for everything!). Now as the day winds down I find myself thinking about all that has happened and wondering "would it really be sooooo bad not to wake up tomorrow?" I guess as long as God sees fit to give me breath I will see fit to get out of bed, but be warned tomorrow I may not be so nice about it. My friends who know me are probably shaking their heads right about now and asking "and this is different how?" You know who you are and all I have to say is SHUT UP :-) Given everything that happened today I am still blessed, with all the frustration I did have some good points, I got to see my grandson (and he was happy to see me) and 2 of my granddaughters (also happy to see me -- they still think I am GREAT).

Well tomorrow is another day, so pray that I don't end up on a tower with a rifle (especially since I don't know how to shoot or load one and would hate to mess up my pedicure!) Remember I love you all to distraction and wish you peace and happiness.

Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow!

TTFN

My Heart

While my children have always been my heart (and now my heart has expanded to include 5 beautiful grandchildren) and I have always been proud to be the mother to my 2 beautiful daughters, I am especially proud to have my youngest daughter (who was in an abusive relationship for 5 years) who is now in a healthy relationship and has 3 beautiful children of her own. She has decided that she wants to try and help other young women who may be in an abusive situation by telling her story and will be giving an interview on television and she has decided to volunteer at a women's shelter. While she was with her daughters' father I was always afraid that I would lose her to the abuse and now she is healthy and happy almost like the girl I raised. I am so proud of her and her accomplishments. I am very proud to say that I have raised 2 wonderful, intelligent, beautiful girls who have grown up to be wonderful, intelligent, beautiful women. God has truly blessed me. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

TTFN

Wait and See

This past Saturday my relationship finally blew up (literally, he stormed out of the bedroom and the house) at this point I was pushed past the point of caring about his feelings and for once decided that the cold unvarnished truth about the differences in our physical needs had to come out (no pun intended) and be discussed and resolved, so on Sunday when he started to give me the obligatory apology for what happened Saturday night I insisted on knowing specifically what he thought he should be sorry for, and of course he was apologizing for the wrong thing. The greatest hindrance to a relationship is miscommunication, so this time instead of being quiet I spelled it out for him -- step up or we should not be together. Don't get me wrong he is a great guy but we are completely different when it comes to sex (he is more vanilla and I am.....not). Going on the premise that perhaps I had been unclear as to my needs I proceeded to spell them out, which basically translates to this philosophy "if you do not want an open relationship, then you need to figure out how to meet my needs and if you cannot then we need to not be together". The thought of another ending makes me sad, but the thought of letting this go on until I hurt him so much that he ends up hating me is not acceptable.

The bottom line regarding relationships is this "I do not understand how, if you are in a relationship with someone who has been honest with you about their needs and you really do love them, can you not do everything in your power to make that person happy to be with you?

So the end result for me (after the discussion this weekend) was that only time will tell if he really is willing and able to step it up so that we can be happy together, if not then once again (and for the last time) I will be looking for a place to live, so for now I will wait and see.......

Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow

TTFN

Enough

The absence of any written thoughts lately might lead one to believe that there is not much going on in my head, however this would not be an accurate statement. In fact, quite the opposite is true the thoughts have been spinning around and around keeping me up at night. I have experienced all the excitement and hopefulness that the election brought and having watched the news lately (not my usual MO) I have been disgusted all over again by the way human beings can treat each other. I have also had enough of hearing about one spouse killing the other (or worse yet killing their spouse and children) whatever happened to just leaving? Seriously, if you are that unhappy in your relationship there is such a thing as divorce and it is really easy to get in America and how could someone kill their children or the mother/father of said children (I am disgusted and tired of this particular news item). I believe that we are going to hell in a handbasket but there is no use in taking the express elevator!

I have experienced Joy when celebrating my grandson's 1st birthday and revel in the wonder that awaits him every day. I am constantly amazed by the intelligence of my grandchildren (they give me hope for a brighter future).

The other day at work I was talking with some friends and the subject of death came up, one of the girls said that she was afraid of dying before she was rich, which led me to reveal that I was not afraid of dying (just the method by which this state would be accomplished) and that I was already rich. I have the love of my friends and family, 2 wonderful daughters (that I adore), my grandchildren who bring wonder and joy to my life, I have been in love once in my life, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a job I love and a God to believe in (what more could you ask for at the end of the day?)

So as you can see even though I have not been writing I have been thinking and counting my blessings. Live your life with no regrets so that at the end of the day when you take your final breath it will be with peace in your heart and the love that will follow you.

Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

TTFN

The Joy of Children

My youngest grandson is getting ready to turn 1 and watching him grow has reminded me about the Joy that children bring to your life. Don't get me wrong, I love all my grandchildren and have marveled at each one of them as they continue to grow and find wonder in the world. However, I had almost forgotten the wonder a baby experiences every day, I was watching Alycia, Alexis and KJ the other day and while I was trying to get KJ to take a nap he was finding the baby in the mirror fascinating. It made me wonder when was the last time that I simply found wonder in something so simple as looking at my reflection? If we pause to think about how much of a miracle life is maybe we would all find a friend in the mirror. In light of the utter darkness that has surrounded me recently I find that being with someone who can communicate their feelings with absolute honesty (whatever a baby is feeling is prominently displayed) . With a baby you know when they are happy and sad, hurt and angry or sick and tired, too bad as adults we lose the ability to communicate our feelings with each other with the same absolute honesty that we did when we were children. Spending time with KJ gave me some peace and helped to remember that I am loved and I am worth loving (something that I was beginning to doubt). So I have decided to climb up out of the darkness and take a stand for me and return to the person that I fought so hard to become. Take time to find a friend in the mirror and you will see that as long as you have that friend you can do anything. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

TTFN

Darkness

The last week or so I have been in a really dark place where the light just can't seem to penetrate. No one has been able to get through. There are no words, even the people I love (and who love me) cannot seem to get through. I have been in this place before but it seems darker this time and I am afraid that I will never be able to find my way out. My best friend in the whole world seems lost to me and that is the scariest thing of all. Always before when I was in this place I at least felt tethered to the light, now I just feel darkness and bad thoughts abound. When will it end? I don't know.........hopefully soon. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

TTFN