Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Another Year Gone By

As the year draws to an end I begin to contemplate the new year coming up. I have made a couple of resolutions (only to myself, just in case) and have started to make plans on improving a few areas of my life. This is the time of year to start looking at the things you want to accomplish in the coming year. I want to be a better friend, a better parent and grandparent, I want to be healthier. I want to live, laugh and love more. What are your goals, have you thought about it yet? Now is the time, the country is probably at the highest in optimism is has been in a while (even with all the gloom and doom of Wall Street). Take your corner of the universe and make it a joy to be in. Share all that you have with someone who has less and be happy. Life is short, eternity is forever and the journey in between should be filled with all things joyful. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.

Happy New Year

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


As Christmas draws near the only way I can describe the feelings I have are....wanting. I have always wanted more, more of what I have never been sure. I have a beautiful family and the most wonderful friends a person could want, but still there is something missing.....I don't know if it is a place inside me that can ever be filled (so I try to be content with what I have) and still I am left wanting.....I often wonder if I will ever be able to fill that hole that I feel deep inside myself or if I will spend the rest of my life wanting? I don't feel sorry for myself (too often) or constantly ask "why me" but from time to time I just reflect upon the sensation and wonder if it will ever go away. It is always worse at this time of year when reflection and contemplation seem to be part of the season, but this to shall pass. I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year and peace throughout the year. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.


Tuesday, December 23, 2008


The other day I was watching a show about the war and the men and women who are fighting and returning home, less than whole. The show was about the lack of treatment for those individuals who actually made it home. Even if you do not support the war (which I don't) you have to support those individuals who are struggling to overcome the mental and physical wounds from being in this war. I was ashamed (but not suprised) by the treatment of these men and women. If the government (namely the President) puts us in a position of putting lives at risk to defend a political position, then why are they not held accountable for making sure that when our men and women return they are given the kind of care the President himself would receive? I wish I could say that this is not normal behavior from our government, but we all know (at least any of us with a brain) that to our government we are all disposable. I pray the with the New Year and a new President we can bring these issues to the front and find an end to a war that we should never have engaged in to begin with. So the bottom line is this we, as a society, will be judged on how we treat our children, old people and people who sacrifice greatly to maintain their (and hopefully our) ideals....... where do you stand in the judgment? Can you say you have done everything to make your part of the world a better place? Do you turn a blind eye to injustice? Look the other way when you know someone is in need? I remind you that when Jesus or his angels visit they do not look like Heaven but often look like the beggar on the street......will you turn a blind eye or will you receive him with open arms? Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.


Wednesday, December 17, 2008


I have been thinking a lot lately about Faith and what it means. I constantly strive to rely on my faith and leave the doubt and confusion behind, especially during this time of year. I know that there are some people who cannot believe in a higher power and place their fate in the hands of science but where do they believe that the ideas come from? Is it really possible that we came from apes and just evolved to where we are today? I find more comfort in believing that there is a God and he is our Father who watches over us. Perhaps that is what Faith really is. Whatever can give you comfort and peace in the quiet hours (whether you are spirtual or a scientist), after all we are all searching for answers to the age old question "are we alone out here?" As we approach a new year remember we must always question authority, learn as we go and find joy and comfort wherever possible. Hope you have a blessed day and a bettr tomorrow.


Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I was having a discussion with someone the other day and he was telling me about a book that had been discovered somewhere (it is a really old book) and apparently due to the amount of labor needed to write books back then (I believe it was AC but not completely sure, as I tend to zone out sometimes when he is talking). The statement was made that it was filled with nonsense and the consensus was "why would the author fill a book with nonsense". This got me to thinking.......why, when faced with something we do not fully comprehend do we tend to believe that what is being said (or written) is nonsense? Just because it does not make sense to us does not mean it is nonsense. Maybe the author just wanted to write down what he was thinking or feeling at the time and had no intention of it being for public consumption. Has there ever been a time in your life where you just wanted to get something out of your head (not necessarily for anyone to see or hear) just to put it down and analyze it before you exploded? I say that this is another way of judging someone for being different.... when will it end? We are fast approaching a New Year and like a lot of people I tend to want to believe that things will be different, but will they? We have a new president in the coming year and since he is a man of color I have hope that some things are changing, but I wonder, is it enough? Questions to ponder in the new year. Hope you have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Kids are a Trip

My daughter, Amber, called me yesterday to tell me about Alycia and Alexis (2 of my granddaughters). On Wednesday's they sell pickles at lunch for the kids who want them. My daughter forgot to give the girls their pickle money, so when she picked them up she said she was sorry and Alycia said "for what" (at this point Amber was wishing she had not said anything). But being the good mom that she is she said "for forgetting your pickle money". Alycia said "that's OK, because everyone in her class that got a pickle threw it away and said it was nasty, so she did not care. At this point Amber turned to Alexis and said "OK tell me how mad you are at me that I forgot the pickle money" and Alexis said "I am not mad about not getting the pickle, but I am mad about what I did not get at daycare". Amber said "what didn't you get at daycare?" and Alexis said "SLEEP". Alexis is definitely Amber's child. I just died laughing and I hope you enjoyed this story. Hope you have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

When do we actually grow up?

My granddaughter, Alycia, and her mother were having a discussion about being a child and Alycia told her mother that "you are a child" to which her mother replied "no, I am an adult", at this point Alycia said that since she had a mommy that made her a child (my daughter could not argue at that point, since she indeed has a mommy). That started me thinking, when do we stop thinking of our kids as children? I am 46 and my mom still thinks of me as a child, my kids are well over the age of 21 and I still think of them as children. Is there a point when our parents ever think of us as adults? I am aware that my kids are grown and on their own in the big, bad world, but I still worry and every time I hear a siren I call to make sure that they are OK (of course they laugh at me for this). I know that my kids are beautiful, intellegent, caring and strong young women, but to me they will always be my children. So I guess the answer to the question is "as long as you have a mommy you will always be a child".

Hope you have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.


Monday, December 8, 2008


I watched a really good movie last night called Front of the Class. It was about a guy who has Turrets Syndrome and became a teacher. His struggles made me think about how intolerant we, as a society, are of people who are different and I wondered will this ever change? When will some people stop passing their prejudices and hate onto their children so that the cycle no longer continues? I believe that God sends us special people and how we treat them is a mark for or against us, where do you stand? Can you look at an individual and see the potential for an extraordinary friend or do you just look away because they make you uncomfortable? Do you make judgments based on appearances without getting to know the facts or the person? How will you stand up and answer for your actions in the end? This is not a question that I can answer or any one person can answer, for everyone has to answer within themselves. The question is "starting today, how can I make the world better?" What is your answer? Try random acts of kindness (with no thought to what is in it for you), take the time to look at someone that you have been uncomfortable with before (I bet you will walk away feeling better). God's angels are constantly on alert and not always in the form you expect.....so tread lightly and be kind....we are all in this together. Hope you have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.


Sunday, December 7, 2008

What if........

I don't usually spend too much time on "what if" I find that for the most part it is a waste of energy and time. However, the last few days the thought has just sorta creeped into my head from time to time and I am forced to acknowledge this niggling thought or go insane (for those of you who know me you are aware that it would be a short trip).

When I was younger I wasted a lot of energy on this particular thought. So here is how it usually starts out "if you could go back in time and change one thing about your life, what would it be?" People usually are able to think of this thing pretty quickly but here is the catch.......look at your life and the people in it right now, think about how you met them and what events have shaped your life and the person you have become, now think about the thing you would change....where would the people who are important to you now be? Would you still be the same person that you are today? It is really sometimes as simple as taking a left at the fork in the road instead of a right.

I believe that we are on a journey and that every second of every day we make decisions about which way to go, left or right, and from there we meet people and have experiences that shape our lives and the decisions that we will make. I can think of a lot of things that I would have done differently but nothing that I would go back and change. I am the person I am because of the experiences I have had, the people I have known and maybe even because of the people I never met. So do not waste too much time wondering "what if" focus on the right now and everything that is precious to you at this time... let tomorrow worry about tomorrow and let the past be laid to rest (as it should be), forgive yourself for the mistakes, love yourself for the good and strive every day to move forward. Remember Live, Laugh and Love for the journey will end in good time, ready or not.

Hope you have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.


Thursday, December 4, 2008

You are never too old to fall down

Yesterday as I was walking out the door of my office and I fell over a concrete cinder block and cut my leg all up. It occurred to me as I lay there writhing in pain that I should be too old to trip over things (but apparently you are never too old for this to happen) which got me to thinking about the other things in life that you should outgrow tripping over. Your tongue, for example, as we get older we are supposed to get wiser and learn how to say the appropriate thing and not blurt out inappropriate things (has anyone mastered this skill yet?). I still get foot-in-mouth on occasion. Are we destined to blunder our way through life or do we really get more wisdom as we get older and how much older do we have to be to receive this wisdom? I think that the reality is that we are destined to fall down over and over and the wisdom is learned by getting up, brushing ourselves off and avoiding that particular "cinder block" in the future. Hope you all have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Now What?

How do you tell someone that loves you that they are not enough? My husband and I have totally different physical needs (I have them and he apparently does not). He is a decent person and good to me in many other ways and I feel like an ass for even feeling this way but I do, so now what? How can I fix a problem that he does not think needs fixing? He does not believe in an open marriage and I am having trouble remaining monogomous. So, now what? I really do not want to be divorced for a 2nd time and again I just keep coming back to "now what". Obviously, I do not have any answers and will have to consider all options (which are few and are steadily decreasing) so the question of the day is "now what?"

Friday, November 28, 2008

Love is Everything

It is the day after Thanksgiving and I am pondering the question "where is the love?". Yesterday was a good day, family and children running amok but it also made me miss those that have gone on to a better place. I was thinking alot yesterday about my ex mother-in-law and what a wonderful woman she was. She was a woman who believed in God and family, she was kind, caring and generous and I strive to be more like her. During the holidays when my children are speaking of their grandmother with love and longing I miss her even more but am glad that they had to opportunity to really know her and have such great memories now that she is gone. It reminds me of a line out of one of my favorite songs "it's not what you take with you it's what you leave behind". Lela B. Irons has left a legacy of love and family that I will remember for the rest of my life and if I can leave even a tenth of that behind, then I will have her to thank for it. We love you and miss you today and always Mother Irons. Celebrate your life and your loved ones and enjoy each day that you get with them. Hope you all have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

My Addicition

Addiction -- a word I knew but was not familiar with until my early 40's. I have spent the better part of my life judging my sister for being an addict. After 20 years of marriage (not all bad) I decided that it just wasn't working and that we needed to be apart. I have been responsible for someone my entire life, first my sisters (my parents divorced when I was 8 since I was the oldest it fell to me to take care of them when my mom fell apart), then my daughter (I got pregnant a week before my 16th birthday), then at 19 I married my ex-husband and we had a daughter. I had never taken the time to figure out who I was or what I really wanted, so when my youngest daughter turned 16 I started to feel like something was missing. My kids were practically grown and did not need me, my husband loved me but did not like me and I did not know me. After the separation I went, for a lack of a better word, wild. Whatever I wanted to try I just did it, which eventually led me to crack cocaine (which I fell in love with) and from there it was a quick trip downward. I lost everything but my sanity (and was well on the way to losing that). I was lucky because it only took me 2 years (from the beginning of my addiction to end of my addicition) to get clean and start trying to rebuild my life. I think about my sister often these days, but I no longer judge her. I accept the fact that until she is ready to let go of her addiction no one can do it for her. I also know that until she does that we can not be a part of each other's lives. I pray for her daily and hope that one day we can be close again. For all who are reading this and judging me now (obviously you have never faced this demon) be careful.....it is a long way down from the mountain you are on. If you have never dealt with this thank God and never think "it can't happen to me I am too strong" that is just what the devil is waiting for.

It is Thanksgiving tomorrow and when you look around you be sure to remember that blessings come in many forms and take stock of what you have (not the material possessions, but the emotional ones), all the people you love and all the people who love you this is where you will find your greatest riches. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Age, Is it just a number?

I have been thinking a lot about getting older (maybe because I am getting older). Everyday I look in the mirror while getting ready for work and I wonder "who is this person?" I am 46 and I still feel like I am 17 (at least mentally). I remember when I was younger that I used to wonder what it would be like to be older? When do you start feeling like you have all the answers? Is there a time when you are comfortable being just who you are without being insecure or wondering if there is something else? I have experienced that sensation once in my life and thought it would last, but as I found out nothing lasts forever. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in and often thought that there would come a day when I would no longer feel that way.... I am still waiting for that day.What is the ruler with which we measure success in our life? I have been blessed in this life to have met very special people along my journey. Some are still with me and some were just passing through. I feel that in some areas of my life I have accomplished more than I ever thought possible. In other areas I feel as if I have fallen far short and still feel like that 8 year old little girl laying in the grass dreaming of flying away on the airplane that I was watching in the sky and wanting to be anywhere but in my life. So what conclusions can we draw from this?I think that ultimately we have to accept that we are all responsible for our own lives and no one can make us happy or unhappy without our participation. So when you lay down tonight and your thoughts are drifting about all you did not accomplish this day remember there is always tomorrow, and if not then who cares?Do not spend too much time worrying about tomorrow because today will pass you by. Hope you all have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.TTFN


I was watching a special with Rosie O'Donnell where she took her family, friends and members of the Gay community on a cruise. I did not catch all of it just the last few minutes. The part I saw was when they docked in Nassau and were met with protestors against their lifestyle. It got me to thinking why do people believe that there is only one acceptable way to love? Why are they opposed to letting gays adopt children? Especially when so often these children would go without permanent homes and no special love in their lives. I have always believed that to love someone and be loved in return should be celebrated and cherished. Why in this day and age are some people still so closed minded? Are they insecure, afraid, or just plain miserable? Why as a people must we continually live out the same narrow minded, short sighted bigotry over and over. I saw people who were caring, kind and generous regardless of who they chose to love. The misconception that is being put out there by these "normal" people is that it is unnatural, how can love be unnatural? I don't know what the answer is except that if we each live our own lives and let God worry about everyone else's the world would be a better place. I hope everyone had a good weekend, has a blessed day and a better tomorrow.