The absence of any written thoughts lately might lead one to believe that there is not much going on in my head, however this would not be an accurate statement. In fact, quite the opposite is true the thoughts have been spinning around and around keeping me up at night. I have experienced all the excitement and hopefulness that the election brought and having watched the news lately (not my usual MO) I have been disgusted all over again by the way human beings can treat each other. I have also had enough of hearing about one spouse killing the other (or worse yet killing their spouse and children) whatever happened to just leaving? Seriously, if you are that unhappy in your relationship there is such a thing as divorce and it is really easy to get in America and how could someone kill their children or the mother/father of said children (I am disgusted and tired of this particular news item). I believe that we are going to hell in a handbasket but there is no use in taking the express elevator!
I have experienced Joy when celebrating my grandson's 1st birthday and revel in the wonder that awaits him every day. I am constantly amazed by the intelligence of my grandchildren (they give me hope for a brighter future).
The other day at work I was talking with some friends and the subject of death came up, one of the girls said that she was afraid of dying before she was rich, which led me to reveal that I was not afraid of dying (just the method by which this state would be accomplished) and that I was already rich. I have the love of my friends and family, 2 wonderful daughters (that I adore), my grandchildren who bring wonder and joy to my life, I have been in love once in my life, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a job I love and a God to believe in (what more could you ask for at the end of the day?)
So as you can see even though I have not been writing I have been thinking and counting my blessings. Live your life with no regrets so that at the end of the day when you take your final breath it will be with peace in your heart and the love that will follow you.
Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
My youngest grandson is getting ready to turn 1 and watching him grow has reminded me about the Joy that children bring to your life. Don't get me wrong, I love all my grandchildren and have marveled at each one of them as they continue to grow and find wonder in the world. However, I had almost forgotten the wonder a baby experiences every day, I was watching Alycia, Alexis and KJ the other day and while I was trying to get KJ to take a nap he was finding the baby in the mirror fascinating. It made me wonder when was the last time that I simply found wonder in something so simple as looking at my reflection? If we pause to think about how much of a miracle life is maybe we would all find a friend in the mirror. In light of the utter darkness that has surrounded me recently I find that being with someone who can communicate their feelings with absolute honesty (whatever a baby is feeling is prominently displayed) . With a baby you know when they are happy and sad, hurt and angry or sick and tired, too bad as adults we lose the ability to communicate our feelings with each other with the same absolute honesty that we did when we were children. Spending time with KJ gave me some peace and helped to remember that I am loved and I am worth loving (something that I was beginning to doubt). So I have decided to climb up out of the darkness and take a stand for me and return to the person that I fought so hard to become. Take time to find a friend in the mirror and you will see that as long as you have that friend you can do anything. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The last week or so I have been in a really dark place where the light just can't seem to penetrate. No one has been able to get through. There are no words, even the people I love (and who love me) cannot seem to get through. I have been in this place before but it seems darker this time and I am afraid that I will never be able to find my way out. My best friend in the whole world seems lost to me and that is the scariest thing of all. Always before when I was in this place I at least felt tethered to the light, now I just feel darkness and bad thoughts abound. When will it end? I don't know.........hopefully soon. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.