Friday, November 28, 2008

Love is Everything

It is the day after Thanksgiving and I am pondering the question "where is the love?". Yesterday was a good day, family and children running amok but it also made me miss those that have gone on to a better place. I was thinking alot yesterday about my ex mother-in-law and what a wonderful woman she was. She was a woman who believed in God and family, she was kind, caring and generous and I strive to be more like her. During the holidays when my children are speaking of their grandmother with love and longing I miss her even more but am glad that they had to opportunity to really know her and have such great memories now that she is gone. It reminds me of a line out of one of my favorite songs "it's not what you take with you it's what you leave behind". Lela B. Irons has left a legacy of love and family that I will remember for the rest of my life and if I can leave even a tenth of that behind, then I will have her to thank for it. We love you and miss you today and always Mother Irons. Celebrate your life and your loved ones and enjoy each day that you get with them. Hope you all have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

My Addicition

Addiction -- a word I knew but was not familiar with until my early 40's. I have spent the better part of my life judging my sister for being an addict. After 20 years of marriage (not all bad) I decided that it just wasn't working and that we needed to be apart. I have been responsible for someone my entire life, first my sisters (my parents divorced when I was 8 since I was the oldest it fell to me to take care of them when my mom fell apart), then my daughter (I got pregnant a week before my 16th birthday), then at 19 I married my ex-husband and we had a daughter. I had never taken the time to figure out who I was or what I really wanted, so when my youngest daughter turned 16 I started to feel like something was missing. My kids were practically grown and did not need me, my husband loved me but did not like me and I did not know me. After the separation I went, for a lack of a better word, wild. Whatever I wanted to try I just did it, which eventually led me to crack cocaine (which I fell in love with) and from there it was a quick trip downward. I lost everything but my sanity (and was well on the way to losing that). I was lucky because it only took me 2 years (from the beginning of my addiction to end of my addicition) to get clean and start trying to rebuild my life. I think about my sister often these days, but I no longer judge her. I accept the fact that until she is ready to let go of her addiction no one can do it for her. I also know that until she does that we can not be a part of each other's lives. I pray for her daily and hope that one day we can be close again. For all who are reading this and judging me now (obviously you have never faced this demon) be is a long way down from the mountain you are on. If you have never dealt with this thank God and never think "it can't happen to me I am too strong" that is just what the devil is waiting for.

It is Thanksgiving tomorrow and when you look around you be sure to remember that blessings come in many forms and take stock of what you have (not the material possessions, but the emotional ones), all the people you love and all the people who love you this is where you will find your greatest riches. Have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Age, Is it just a number?

I have been thinking a lot about getting older (maybe because I am getting older). Everyday I look in the mirror while getting ready for work and I wonder "who is this person?" I am 46 and I still feel like I am 17 (at least mentally). I remember when I was younger that I used to wonder what it would be like to be older? When do you start feeling like you have all the answers? Is there a time when you are comfortable being just who you are without being insecure or wondering if there is something else? I have experienced that sensation once in my life and thought it would last, but as I found out nothing lasts forever. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in and often thought that there would come a day when I would no longer feel that way.... I am still waiting for that day.What is the ruler with which we measure success in our life? I have been blessed in this life to have met very special people along my journey. Some are still with me and some were just passing through. I feel that in some areas of my life I have accomplished more than I ever thought possible. In other areas I feel as if I have fallen far short and still feel like that 8 year old little girl laying in the grass dreaming of flying away on the airplane that I was watching in the sky and wanting to be anywhere but in my life. So what conclusions can we draw from this?I think that ultimately we have to accept that we are all responsible for our own lives and no one can make us happy or unhappy without our participation. So when you lay down tonight and your thoughts are drifting about all you did not accomplish this day remember there is always tomorrow, and if not then who cares?Do not spend too much time worrying about tomorrow because today will pass you by. Hope you all have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.TTFN


I was watching a special with Rosie O'Donnell where she took her family, friends and members of the Gay community on a cruise. I did not catch all of it just the last few minutes. The part I saw was when they docked in Nassau and were met with protestors against their lifestyle. It got me to thinking why do people believe that there is only one acceptable way to love? Why are they opposed to letting gays adopt children? Especially when so often these children would go without permanent homes and no special love in their lives. I have always believed that to love someone and be loved in return should be celebrated and cherished. Why in this day and age are some people still so closed minded? Are they insecure, afraid, or just plain miserable? Why as a people must we continually live out the same narrow minded, short sighted bigotry over and over. I saw people who were caring, kind and generous regardless of who they chose to love. The misconception that is being put out there by these "normal" people is that it is unnatural, how can love be unnatural? I don't know what the answer is except that if we each live our own lives and let God worry about everyone else's the world would be a better place. I hope everyone had a good weekend, has a blessed day and a better tomorrow.