Every year around this time I find myself on the edge.....on the edge of what I don't know. I feel tense and nervous.....I don't sleep well (worse than normal) for fear.....again of what I am uncertain. I sometimes wonder if (for whatever reason) that I am more aware of the time that is passing and the uncertainty of the times that I live in. I get to the point where I hate to pick up a paper or listen to the news......it never appears that as human beings we are actually evolving toward anyting other than our own self destruction......what is the point of getting up in the morning? It may sound like I am in a funk......but that is actually not the case. I used to think that it was "spring fever" but, now, I am not so sure....maybe I am just becoming more sensitive to my own mortality (I have always been aware of it....in the back of my mind). It is at this time of year that I miss my grandfather the most and maybe I just don't know how to process that in any way that is constructive.....I was blessed to have had him in my life well into my adulthood and to know that he loved me always (even at my least likable stages) without reservation or judgment.....other than my best friend and the love of my life......he is the only one to have ever given me that in this world. I think that the loss of that love is one of the things that make it easier for me to think about going home to God where not only will I see my grandfather again I will get to bask in the love of our true Father and know that at last there is no more suffering of little children or pain of rejection......I guess that I have babbled on long enough. Be kind to each other and have a blessed day and a better tomorrow.
TTFN
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